Monday, March 13, 2006

Why there is meaning

Here is why there has to be meaning: I get depressed. That is why I know there must be meaning to life.

Sometimes the old lessons I’ve learned slip away, and one day I wake up to find myself hurting down deep because there’s something I want and can’t have, or something I have that I don’t really want – and none of it is what I need.

Desire (wanting), ownership (having), & sustenance (needing) – you can almost categorize the whole of life into these three concepts.

I am priority-driven. When something is important to me (whether it be something I want, have, or need), it becomes the focus of my thought & action. It becomes the object of my pursuit.

I know there is meaning because when I pursue, for instance, a person, sometimes I get that person. I uncover that relationship, but it is not meaningful. Not enough, at least, to prevent me from becoming depressed and self-focused. Sometimes I don’t get that person, and that leaves me depressed as well.

But sometimes, once in a while, I am able to step outside of the situation, mentally and emotionally, and see that what matters is not wanting or having, or sometimes even needing – it is giving.

Giving. It is the only way out of that hole of personal sorrow. So there is meaning to life, because giving is not natural, it is not built into the psyche and soul. It is supernatural, extra-natural, outside-of-natural. Giving forgoes the natural responses I have, the depression, and wakes me up.

I think there must be a Giver out there.

In the mundane task of living
When you’re pouring out and giving
And you’re waking up and trying
And you’re laying down and dying

That’s a little stone, that’s a little mortar
That’s a little seed, it’s a little water
In the hearts of the sons and daughters
This kingdom’s coming…

-Sara Groves