This was a full, but relaxing, weekend. It was a vacation of sorts, a chance to get out of my typical setting and into a hot tub up on the mountain, watch lots of movies, and read a little.

One of the most poignant moments for me came while watching sci-fi, of all things. I’m a somewhat rabid alien takeover & government conspiracy fan, and so when a friend found out I had not yet seen Spielberg’s Taken, she all but insisted that I watch the series. So I found it at Blockbuster and she was right – it’s a fantastic story with tons of engaging characters; though what really drew me in was the insightful narration written for Dakoda Fanning.

At the end of the second episode, she says:

People will believe what they want to believe. They find meaning where they can, and they cling to it. In the end, it doesn’t really matter what’s a trick and what’s true. What matters is that people believe.

This idea is so important to me right now. My whole life, I’ve been submerged in an environment where discerning between tricks and truth is of ultimate consequence. People I know say belief by itself is nothing (Even the demons believe in God); it is not useful, it has no significance, and it is deceptive. Believing in truth is what matters, and there is only one truth, one way, and if you don’t find it, God help you.

But isn’t it true that we all strive for meaning? What makes one person’s search more successful than another’s? How does one guy find the way when his friend, with a longing as intense and a goal as noble, misses the mark? What of the countless people who have never heard the name ‘Jesus,’ and never will? Are they faulted for not knowing “the way” when God has provided them with no signs or direction?

Maybe the jewel doesn’t lie in a creed or a code. I know hosts of Christians who stake their lives (both physical & eternal) on their acknowledgement of a transcendent set of rules or a written statement of what they believe. The problems I encounter are the irreconcilable disparities between who God is supposed to be (according to his own claims) and the state of things in his universe.
So do you throw out the whole notion of God? Is the only option disbelief?

What if God isn’t necessarily the point? I cringe even asking the question, because I know the horrified look my grandfather would have on his face if he heard it, but it’s worth asking. What if belief is not so much a means, but more of an end itself? When it comes down to it, there will always be an unanswerable question, a doubt, a conflicting creed; nothing is solid, nothing is certain. There always has to be faith to fill in the holes, and what if that faith itself if the thing that gives meaning to life and allows for peace in chaos?

Faith is what we use to explain things, but when we sit down and try to explain faith, we end up with all of the conflict that makes it so hard to believe the things we’re trying to explain in the first place. There has to be something in this world that is mysterious, something unknown. Some things can’t be captured with reason or science or a creed. Whether it’s God or karma or reincarnation or extraterrestrials, or perhaps simply the act of believing, you have to ultimately put stock in something you can’t adequately vindicate.

I’ve always believed it was God, and that has left me lost because who really knows what God is like?

I’ve always believed it was God, yet never been able to reconcile my circumstances and struggles to his promises.

I’ve always believed it was God.

More importantly, I’ve always believed.